Could You Love the Devil?

Self-portrait X

History suggests you might. Even in my worst manifestations, mostly made up by you, there are takers. Think of all the artwork, ‘god’ gets to look like the current version of you in a dress, but I’m always depicted as some hideous beast with more appendages than I could possibly have use for, loathsome and hungry for naked men, apparently. Still you keep searching for me. Let me assure you, I am a handsome devil. Where do you think the expression comes from?

Unlike most of you, I am impeccably groomed, cleaner than the inside of the virgin Mary, and possessed of universal manners. I am civil in any place, time, or species. Can you doubt it? I would be called a ‘ladies’ man’ if I only loved the ladies, but I love some men too much for my own good, it can make one, weak. Not myself, of course, only Aela can do that to me. But I’m highly susceptible to beauty in any form, so I am easily seduced.

Let go of the idea that I am hideous, think of your ideal person, blond and muscular, slim, dark, and mysterious, what do you picture? That’s what I look like. Only I’m better dressed. Strictly Italian, I’m comfortable in their clothes, regardless of the century. I keep myself in top physical condition, it requires stamina to torture people. So, you can assume I’m the complete package, put me on a horse, in a castle, a boardroom, a dungeon, a jacuzzi, a river, I’m hot wherever you picture me.

Let your mind play with the fact that I have been practising since, well, forever. I can bring inanimate objects to orgasm. Anything with a pulse, or not, if I can fuck it, I will. I could fuck you to death. It would be my pleasure. I’m smiling. I do that sometimes.

Am I a debauched, eternal letch? Yes. But even the lustiest beast can be tamed by love, ask the Lady with the Unicorn, ask Helen. Ask Aela.

So, I’m the eye candy, I will also be the life of the party, I have an endless supply of stories and more than one magic trick. Whoever you are, I know you. What makes you unique? What do you love about yourself? What do you hate the most? You’re a book I have read, and I adore it, I give it 5 stars and recommend it to other gods. Nothing matters more to me than you. Keep talking, please, you fascinate me.

Are you comfortable? Let me get you something to eat, drink, smoke, inject, fuck, torture, pray to, whatever you want, I will supply it. Do you have a dark side? How charming, tell me more. How would you like to shop forever? Hell isn’t what you think it is, trust me. Would you like to meet Michelangelo? He’s a busy man, but keeps himself available to me, we’re touchingly close.

What have I missed? Ah yes, your wretched, thoughtless, inexplicable love for sports. There you have me. I could excel at any, if I applied myself, but I have much better things to do with my time. In short, the Devil does not play hockey, polo, tennis, or football, things that involve artificial balls are beneath him, he does not wrestle, run, throw, box, or join teams of any kind. If that is your fantasy, I can’t help you, you need a good psychologist, I can recommend one.

I’m excellent with weapons, it comes with the territory, I can defend you from anything. I love cats, dogs and your mother, a lovely woman, we’re both devoted to you. I can save you from your father. I like to play cards, board games, chess, I always win, but I enjoy seeing you put up a good fight. I will soothe you after.

Your favourite music will come on, the sun will go where you like to see it, I will massage the tension from your shoulders. I will whisper to you, secret things you never knew about yourself. You will understand that you are a powerful being, one who can love anything. It will be me.

“I Want It That Way” by The Backstreet Boys Your favourite song. I have no objections, it made my playlist.