Part IV

The Devil does enjoy a good Wednesday click. Cutting it rather close, so I can’t award you full points, but click on, loyal reader. Boldly click where no mortal has clicked before. I think we can agree that it does you good. Who knows? I may reward you with a bonus blog, when you least expect it. Don’t make me regret it.

Jesus wakes up with a start, it takes him a moment to remember where he is. No guest of mine can be permitted to suffer, so I have a remedy for his tremendous hangover. It sits beside him now, looking fresh and innocuous in its mango sorbet presentation.

Unlike other nauseating potions designed to deal with the alcohol poisoning you’re so susceptible to, as a species, mine is soothing and delicious. Encompassing all the pleasures, short sharp suffering so intense the release will be enough to produce ecstasy, we have discussed the perceived value of the thrown rope. Good flavour, texture, just the right amount of the dog’s hair, a few additions of my own, it’s cool and refreshing, as he eats it his skin regains its glow, his gown grows smooth and clean. Endorphins, there’s nothing like them, I can produce them out of thin air. I throw plenty into my hospitality.

He puts his spoon down gracefully, reluctantly. For a while he sits and thinks, arms along the sides of the chair, fingers dangling and twitching slightly. The fire looms lightly, drawing his gaze. I throw a few visions in, is that him on the hill? The throne, who is sitting in the throne? A little blood, splashed on something white, his feet, what’s on them? Nothing, there is nothing there but fire, in all of its mesmerizing beauty. He shakes his head, a sideways look at me that I hold.

Jesus:  I’m not the only magician, I see. Thank you for the fix, now there’s a recipe I would give my soul for.

We both laugh, but one of us knows how easy it would be to take a soul like his, he can’t even hold it in his own hands. This godling is a very disturbed young man. What kind of god leaves his son to chance? What is he, Greek? Can he yank another one out of his thigh? How does he sacrifice the one he has? The man is a lunatic, I’ve said it, but having met his offspring, I can say that he beggars adjectives, I won’t waste words on such an excrescence. God, thou’rt an abomination unto thyself. A play on words, read your bible.

Satan: Jesus, it is entirely my pleasure to both cause and relieve your pain. My next concern will be your appetite, no doubt keen after your extended sleep. We thought it best to just let you be, you may have slept longer than you imagine. I probably should have mentioned that I have my own chronology, if you’re with me time passes differently. The mortal in you succumbs and sleeps, it’s always like that.

I smile to reassure him, but the minions bearing food and drink catch his attention immediately. He will be famished, this I know. Fresh caught fish with butter sauce, pilaf, dates, cheeses, fruits, pomegranate juice, quail eggs, the table is laden, he looks pretty pleased.

I watch him eat, thinking, I could sell tickets to this. He takes his time, I don’t rush him.

After, he leans back with a sigh, I want to offer him a cigarette, but there are some things I just don’t do. He feels pretty good, I make sure of this.

Jesus: Satan, your hospitality is outstanding, surely you have something gorgeous for me to look at? Hard to believe a man of your skills would make that kind of omission, aren’t you tempting me to sin? Isn’t that what this is about? Corrupting me while you have me? Bring in something from your harem, I know you have one. Pick something naughty, let me have fun while I’m here.

Satan: What, you’re not having fun now?

Jesus (laughing):  Oh, I’m having fun. I just want more fun. This interview could go on for a long time, I have other questions. But this dog needs a bitch, if you get me. My attention will wander, I’ll look at your, quite handsome face, with its noble lines, and I’ll be trying to soften them. I’m already actively wanting something better looking, what can I say?

Magnus will be hurt when I tell him.

Here I end it for today. Will I take that slight? Will I send in a few pretty boys in loincloths? Will he pout, and demand something female? Will I cave to shut him up? Have I successfully demonstrated my mastery of question marks, while avoiding an even number of them?

Shake yourself awake now, it’s all done. Feel free to skip the next one. Philosophy, you won’t be interested.

And then skip Part VI. Sex talk, if I remember, but nothing as good as you’ll get in your favourite porn sketch. Head there.

Part V - Jesus keeps a souvenir. It Cometh.

“CARONTE”  by  Apparat    Don’t overlisten to this masterpiece. Keep it fresh.