Wine and Cheese.
Make sure you have some while you read this. The wine would be top notch, the cheese soft and served with a fresh baguette and fruit. Do your best.
Welcome, brave, open-minded whoever you are. Your chair is comfortable, the fire snapping, it’s cold as a witch’s tit in here.
What are you hoping to see on this page?
The Devil is the manifestation of all evil, so you may imagine a daily torture blog, a confession of my misdemeanors, or detailed list of sexual fetishes- a specialty of mine, if you believe the literature.
The Dark Lord engages in unnatural copulation, they say. I argue that all copulation is natural, most of it delightful, some of it dangerous, that’s the best kind.
The question will always be, how do you know, if you’ve never experienced it? Apply this to everything and live your life accordingly. Am I recommending homicide? Do you want me to be? I put it to you that every single person that lives to a mature age will want to kill someone. For many reasons, they will have thought about it, you will have thought about it.
Bring Grandma a bottle of Cherry Brandy and find out who she hated that much.
It’s not surprising, you haven’t had time to evolve out of such primitive urges, you’re still ruled by emotions. The impulse to think of yourself before all else is an instinct, natural to all other species alive. Who is god that he can make you deny it? Why do you let him?
This will always be a god bashing blog, leave now if that bothers you. Otherwise, enjoy those three words together.
It behooves me, pun intended, to give you a few details about myself. No cloven hooves, no tail, no leering grin with misshapen teeth, no fangs unless I’m on duty, no beak unless I’m flying.
The Devil does not leer or grin. He’s as beautiful as you can imagine, as gorgeous as unlimited powers can make him.
He suffers from empathy, a tragic flaw to end them all. He’s also hypersensitive and furiously aesthetic, beauty can fell, music flay, words enchant, him. He’s been known to hug trees and lay eggs, he collects all his favourite artists and walls them up with wind. He lies endlessly, disregard everything he says.
He claims to be funny, evidence will be provided. Know that his wits are caustic and tangled, his sense of humour sharp, often coarse, mostly subtle, except for his name, which is Pandor. He has his own relationship with grammar, intimate and bent. Experienceitoccasionallyinthisosrtofformatwhereheusesnoneatall--&-zero, andmakesyousuffer,bynot,using,punctuation,at,all,soa&sentenceneverends but may also be typednormally for long periods, with no periods. These Pandoric Sentences will tweak your brain, don’t start one if you can’t go the distance.
I say it now, boldly, and in the first person again, I am a Social Critic. Having been around long before you came down from the trees, I consider myself an authority on your species, up to the current date, where I found a brain to rule, a medium, if you will. She’s my scribe, and as such I both value and abuse her, as is fitting for one of my Eminence.
This is exactly how I will treat You, fearless, curious, impressive reader who has lasted this long. Lots of ugly truths, lectures, you might think I hate your species, if not for the immense, eternal, Love I have for it. Bear with me for the treasures I’ll leave here and there. Music that will transform you, Mythological Mixology, Philosophical Psychology, History you can taste, Satan is nothing if not eloquent.
Here in Hell we’re big on drugs, intoxicants, information, sex, powerful narcotics from my personal supply, sex, some of us have the misfortune to be in love, which is a torment most of you will be familiar with.
I am a dog man, I confess it, but that doesn’t stop me from being a woman or having a cat. Eventually. She’s quite special, I found her in Ancient Troy. I might be a closet environmentalist, I might be devoted to the good earth and its fruits. Will I, at some point, interview Jesus? Will I follow up on his career in Roma and get all the juicy details? Will I also interview a selection of insects? Will there be evil at some point?
In this, as in everything, there is only one way to know.
“The Past” by Apparat