Dare to Be Offended.

Being a mere fictional character, I am, alas, subject to much that is beyond my control. How else explain why I haven’t achieved cult status yet? It has been said that I am deserving, but really, it’s best for you to judge for yourself. As such, it behooves me to give you a glimpse of the real me, so to speak.

Your heads are full of your own devils, what need have you of another? This is where quality tells, I am the real thing. Hear it from the horse’s mouth, listen to me, the primary source of all sources, feel my authenticity. I am smiling. I do that a lot.

I could spend a lifetime telling you about myself, my endless existence, my top three torture methods (as if they could be limited to three). Or I could give you a tour of my head, you’ll take one when you read my book, “A God In Chains”. Not that you can, yet. Scribal sloth, what can a Devil do? Until you can, let me give you a few details about myself. Get cozy, stoke the fire, light candles, top up your drink, see if you can spot the lies.

I like lists, when I make them, here is one now. I love dogs, dusk, drinking, cannabis, candles, and cruelty. I sleep with anything that I fancy, don’t ask. I am whatever sex, species, and spectacle I need to be; much depends on my agenda. I am your most vociferous critic, yet I love you. I have nothing against cats, except, perhaps, the company they keep at times. They are not fond of me; I look too much like a union head. They don’t need my help to torment things.

I love art, music, storms, and the wilds, all of them can overpower me, I don’t care. Ask me how I feel about trees, I use birds for spies, yes, but what evil mastermind wouldn’t? They’re perfect for it, some of my best friends are finches. Have I said enough to surprise you yet? Have you been bored?

Perhaps you prefer to hear about the dark side of my nature, since you’re familiar with that.  What would you like me to take credit for? All of it? I could, but I would be lying. Some of it is too dirty, even for me. You have your magnificent media to show you that, whatever century you live in, but especially now. Scroll through your palmgod, walk through any city, show your underbelly for a moment, you will see all the hell you want.

Play a good video game, buy a dog then give it back, join a power movement, any one will do, little religions are no different than the big ones. Take everything too seriously, make someone pay, bury your elders before they are dead.

There you have it, a medley of the sort of thing you can expect from me, if you read my blog. You may have missed my legendary sense of humour, fear not, it will gift you soon enough. Prepare to be offended, I am the devil. Perhaps next time I will share some of my views about music. What do you think the devil’s playlist looks like?

P.S. If you are brave enough to read on, you will find an intimidating list of blogs, some of which will definitely piss you off (you won’t like what you see in my mirror, neither do vampires). Some will lead you to the most heavenly music, a few you will find incomprehensible, free lectures from PandorU, are you up for the challenge? Find out what a Pandoric Sentence is. Meet an orange haired Witch, learn useful philosophy, yes, you read that correctly, hear about my tortured Scribe, and at least a few times, laugh.

Will I, at some point, interview Jesus? Will I follow up on his career in Roma and get all the juicy details? Will I also interview a selection of insects? There is only one way to find out.

Listen to “The Past” by Apparat. This song is sure way to summon me.