Snakes and their Ilk.

Snakes.

Do you know any?

Well, you know one, and I am the original.

Let’s look at it, shall we? Here we are in Eden, everything is lush and growing, two morons are walking around naked, enjoying the blooms and butterflies, utter innocents. I see them, they’re allegedly perfect, though we only have God’s word for that, and what can you expect from a guy who lets mortals kill his son?

So, I turn myself into a snake and slither up to the first virgin, and whisper in her ear. I recommend an unremarkable fruit and crawl away, apparently.

Are you laughing? Let me just remind you that they were both virgins. Though not for long. Apples are God’s cover up story, can you imagine? The man has met me.

Let me speak for snakes everywhere when I say that I would have fucked and devoured both. I’m sure it doesn’t surprise you, what are any of us here for if not to exploit the plump and innocent?

I’m nothing if not gracious, I never remind god that he is a loser, King of closet sodomites and the destitute. King of Lies. Heaven is a marvellous invention, not his, you can be sure.

Consider my own comely person, beguiling, immoral, I will promise you the moon, then strip the moonlight off your skin inch by inch. I will fuck you, then fuck you over. You see how honest I am, you can trust me. I have your best interests at heart, when they coincide with mine, I like you alive and kicking.

You can see why I should be the God of choice, for all your worship needs. Build me a church, bring me dead things and lay them on my altar. Don’t kill them there, your sacrifices are messy, leave that to me.

Think it over, God with a dead son and massive propaganda budget, God with no offspring, no values, and access to the best drugs. If you have to think about it you’re far too slow for me, stay out of my church.

“Serpent” by Dwara, Alexander Vincent Yes, this is what I sound like.